When I created this list, I had grand intentions. And, I really am trying to complete all 30 of these items. But, if we're going to be honest, I had no idea about some of the things that would have happened in the last year.
- I wasn't planning on buying a house. In February 2012, I changed up my list and took moving off the list. (See post about that here.) Then, at the beginning of May 2012, on the day of the Flying Pig, I stopped by a friend's newly on the market house to take a look at it for the first time. (Please note, I was not planning on buying a house). Then, in July 2012, I closed on said house. To call this a distraction from my list feels like the understatement of the millennium.
- I wasn't planning on my job being crazier. My job has always been busy. But, in the past school year, it has ramped up a notch. Love my job. But it makes getting a few of these items on the list a little tricky.
- I wasn't planning to still be in a state of constant transition at the age of 30. Things are constantly still changing in my life. And yet so many things are staying the same. And sometimes, it makes moving forward in some areas a little difficult.
So, I've made a decision.
I'm extending my "30 Before 30" completion deadline to December 31, 2013.
I'll be honest. This was a hard decision for me. My initial response was, "I failed." But then, I had to have a little reality check. I put this list together for more than just giving myself something to do. I did this to make myself better and to challenge myself to do things I wouldn't otherwise. Who cares if I do it by my 30th birthday or shortly after? In reality, all that matters is that I finish what I set out to do. And that is a-okay.
So, to the rest of 2013, WATCH OUT. I'm coming for you full force.
Within this, I am trying to factor in as many ways as I can to push myself to be better. Sometimes this is making myself do something I normally wouldn't. Sometimes it is being a little selfish and taking time for just me. And sometimes it is surrounding myself with uplifting messages, often in the form of blogs.
Today, while reading on the Living Proof Blog (home of my girlfriend Beth Moore), I read this prayer as part of her message. And it hit close to home. And I saved it because this is a prayer that I need to pray for myself over and over. So I leave you with this:
My faithful, most holy Father and my God,
With tremendous love I lift my sister to you. You know what stirs in her heart, what awakens her at night, what causes her to shudder, and what seeks to devour her. You have seen her in the secret place and you know her longings and her questions and her dreams and her hopes. You know the very place that doubt seeks to swallow her and deceit desires to seed in her. Spring her eyes open to cleansing, delivering Truth. Minister to her in such a personal way throughout the coming days that she is floored once again by Your all-knowingness and complete attentiveness. Sprout signs of harvest in a field where she has sown so faithfully and seen so little. Help her to see that her labor is not in vain. Soak the fleece in such a way that she'll know You are with her. Send someone to encourage her in such a specific area that she'll know You alone could have prompted it.
Grant her a heart to love You with an abounding affection that could only be supernatural and cause her to feel her heart teeming with love toward someone who is loveless toward her. Protect her heart and heal her mind where it may be bent or twisted. Take all shame off of her and cast out her self-loathing once and for all and lift her chin to see her redemption drawing near. Give her faith enough to believe that she has truly been forgiven and that You who began a good work in her will most assuredly complete it. Put a new relationship in her life that brings much joy to her in You and revives her faith-walk and makes her laugh. Healthy friendships, Lord! Help her to finally release a relationship that You have clearly brought to an end and to do so without resentment or bitterness, trusting You entirely with the future. Be radiant upon her face. Tell her forthrightly how lovely she is to You and how significant. Quiet that part of her that seeks to perform for acceptance. Give her joy in a more honest version of herself. Reveal Your gorgeous self to her, Lord Jesus. Let every false Christ in her life bow to the One and Only True so that she can see it is You. Make every competing voice hush to Yours.
In Your beautiful, saving, redeeming Name, Jesus, I bring these earnest requests.