Friends with Kids

Last week I saw a preview for a new movie that I knew I just had to see.  Adam Scott and Jennifer Westfeldt play two best friends who decide to have a child together, even though they have no desire to enter into a relationship with one another, hoping to avoid the toll kids can take on romantic relationships.  Their close group of friends include two couples, Maya Rudolph and Chris O'Dowd play a married couple with two kids and Kristin Wiig and Jon Hamm play a more recently married couple.

When I first saw the preview, I immediately thought, "Well this looks familiar."  While I have absolutely NO plans to have a baby with a best friend just for the sake of having a baby (sorry Mom), my current life position has me surrounded with married couples, many of whom are on their way to starting families.  Sometimes, this makes life quite interesting.  Sunday morning when I woke up to teach my Jazzercise class, I decided, "I'm going to go see that movie today.  I'm going to teach and then I'm going to walk into the theater looking like an absolute mess, movie theater hot dog in hand for lunch, but I'm going."  

And go I did.  And the movie did not disappoint.  I loved basically every second of it.  It was realistic and blatantly accurate and, of course with this crowd, a bit raunchy. I even teared up twice, something that I rarely do at movies.  While watching, I couldn't help but jot down some of my favorite lines, many of which were very familiar, either spoken by me or to me at some point the last couple of years.

1. You can make that work. 
(A married to a single, in reference to a suggestion of someone she should date)


I cannot tell you how many times I have heard some version of these words as a dating option is brought up.  The conversation usually goes like this:

Friend: "You know, So-And-So is single."

Me: "I know."

Friend: "You should date him.  You know, since he's single."

Me: "There are other qualities I'm looking for besides a 'single' relationship status on Facebook."

Friend: "But you could make that work."

While obviously an important personal characteristic, there should be a lot of qualities that a potential suitor should possess other than an empty ring finger.

2. Everything is going to be the same.  Nothing will change.
(A married to a single, right after a pregnancy announcement by the marrieds)

If this were a line in a scene from Big Bang Theory, Sheldon would immediately follow this statement up with "Bazinga," a clear sign he is attempting, no matter how ineffectively, to tell a joke. Obviously, things are going to change.  When people start dating, things change.  When people get married, things change.  When people have kids, things change.  Trying to pretend that things are going to stay the same makes everything way worse.  And, it always seems that the first one to utter this phrase is the one who has started dating, the one who is getting married, or the one having kids.  Let's just save ourselves a lot of trouble and call things as they are.

3. It's the baby card.  They all play it.
(A single to a single, after they got stood up.)

I'd like to rename the baby card the "significant other/spouse/baby card."  This card is often played when people decide they don't want to participate in a social gathering of some sort but they don't have a good enough excuse to not go.  Instead, excuses like these tend to come out:

"My wife isn't feeling great tonight, so I don't think we are going to make it." 

(My spouse can totally play scapegoat)

"I forgot to tell my husband I said we'd be there, but we have another commitment." 

(Did I forget to mention the other commitment is with our couch?)

"My girlfriend and I decided that we'd spend one weekend night hanging out just the two of us and one with other people since we don't see each other much."
(Only getting to see each other six days a week is rough.)

"The baby can just be so difficult at a restaurant, and we want you to enjoy your meal."
(You know.  Babies who sit quietly, act cute, and entertain themselves are really tough at restaurants.)



I would much rather someone say, "I'd really rather stay home tonight" and leave it at that than make up a thousand excuses why they "can't" hang out.

4. Who are these people?  We've never met these people.  These people are mean.
(A single to a single, after a very interesting evening gathering)

I cannot tell you how many times I have left gatherings with friends who have moved on to different points in life and thought, "They are so different than they used to be."  (See #2).  If I am ever blessed to move on to one of these new life stages, I pray that I would be a better person because of it. It's amazing how fast an incredible friendship can be thrown by the wayside when a significant other, spouse, or child comes along.  And, it never fails, the things that drove someone crazy when they were still single (friends who were always "too busy" being in love to hang out, friends who dropped everything important in their lives to starting "loving" their significant other's hobbies, etc.) are the exact qualities they tend to inherit as soon as they move on to another life stage.

5. He's got all the time in the world, but this may be it for her.
(A married to a married, talking about Jennifer Westfeldt's character's age)

You rarely hear your weird Aunt Patsy say, "Bless his heart.  He's still single.  He just needs someone to take care of him." Instead, it's more like, "Bless her soul.  That poor girl still hasn't found anyone.  She needs to be able to have babies while there is still time."  In my family there are three kids--my married older brother with two kids, me, and my single younger brother.  No one ever seems to worry about the fact that Nathan will be 27 this summer and he is still single.  But, for me, at the ripe old age of 28, I am breaking the hearts of family members everywhere because I might never give them any cute babies to adore.

6. I have at least four setups for you, one of which is promising. 
(A married to a single, after yet another failed relationship)

Please note: If you would not consider a single fellow to be a promising prospect for me,other than the fact that he is single, please kindly forget that you ever thought of them as a possibility.  (See #1).  The level of awesomeness that I am looking for in a potential significant other/spouse does not go down with each birthday I have.  Just because I get older does not mean I need to settle in the love department.  I mean I know Charlie Sheen is single, but. . .

7. I don't get how people meet people if it isn't through college or work. 
(A single to a married, while discussing dating options.)


One word: AMEN.

Seriously.  Go see this movie.  

Another Craft in the Books!

Last spring, I helped a great friend finish some projects for her nursery for her soon-to-arrive bundle of joy Luke. I had a blast helping Rachel recover some hideous cushions for a rocking chair and ottoman they were given (I am happy to report that the cushions are much better looking after their inexpensive face lift) and to make some super cute curtains.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a message from another sweet friend, Priscilla, to help her recover some cushions on a rocker/ottoman set that they had picked up at a garage sale when they had their first little fella Simon (who is now two and such a handsome little man). For their next little guy, they wanted to change up the look in the nursery and I was happy to help! And when I saw the fabric that she chose, I knew this project was going to be a blast.

With very little spent on some new fabric and a couple of hours, their rocker/ottoman set now has a whole new look. And, in typical Rogers' fashion, I added a couple of bonus projects as special gifts for the fam--a pillow that plays off the look of the fabric and a frame wrapped in the fabric. (My mom would be so proud.)

One Item Completed, A Lot in Progress, & One Big Change

So, obviously, I've taken a bit of a blogging hiatus.  This has more to do with my crazy, busy schedule than it does with my motivation to knock things off my list.  I'll be honest though, doing these things is not easy.  If you know me, it is no shock that I am a total creature of habit.  But, I am making attempts to do so.

One Item Completed
I am pleased to report that one task has been marked off the list.


#21--Get a massage.


I would be lying if I didn't admit that this is one of the goals I had been looking the most forward to when this list was created.  I love a good massage, and this one most certainly did not disappoint.

The day after Thanksgiving, my Mom had planned a Mother/Daughter Day for the two of us.  This was a much needed day spent relaxing and enjoying each other's company.  It started with this perfect massage and was then followed by a little shopping, dinner with my brother, sister-in-law and two totally precious nieces followed by a "Sit and Sew" with Mom's quilting ladies.  It was perfect.

A Lot in Progress


#3--Lose 10 pounds.
So I have in no way, shape or form lost 10 pounds.  But, I am down 2.  And progress is progress people.

#6--Sew something from a pattern.
My very first project making something from a pattern is underway.  When we were on "Family Cabin Weekend," Mom wanted to venture out to a quilt shop and I was her shopping buddy for the excursion.  While there, I found a pattern for a bag that I LOVED.  At the "Sit and Sew" on Mother/Daughter Day, Mom helped me turn my dream of making something from a pattern into a reality.  Now I just have to finish it...

#12--Take an actual vacation.
I don't go on vacation.  Ever.  But, this June I will be headed to Orlando for the Jazzercise Tropic Heat Conference.  (Call it a business trip if you'd like.  To me, this is a much needed getaway).  And, factored in to the trip is extra time before and after the conference for sunshine, pool time, and relaxing.  Hotel booked.  Plane ticket purchased.  Cannot wait.

#19--Post a picture of a new craft on my blog each month.
So, I obviously haven't posted any new craft projects lately, but I have been hard at work.

Mighty Ducks Jerseys made for Echo Church's Trunk-or-Treat

Quiet Book for niece Brighton for Christmas

A family Christmas gift depicting my brother, his wife, and two girls.

Asymmetrical artwork for a Christmas gift.

A new piece hanging in my hallway as a reminder of one of my favorite Bible verses.

A reclaimed wooden palette turned piece of art and new jewelry storage.

 #20--Beat my Jazzercise evaluation from last evaluation.
So, I didn't exactly beat it.  But, I made progress.  And I feel challenged to keep improving before next year's evaluation.

#22--Complete a Beth Moore Bible study.
I haven't completed one yet.  But, my Echo Bible study group decided to complete the Breaking Free Bible study beginning in January.  (And this wasn't selected to help me knock something off my list).  The best part about this?  I started the Breaking Free study almost 10 years ago in college and quickly abandoned it.  This round will not have the same outcome.

#27--Read at least one Bible verse a day.
So, I am not accomplishing this, but I am making progress.  A good friend and I have committed to holding each other to Bible reading.  So, we found a Bible reading plan that gives you a topic to study for two weeks, reading one chapter of Scripture a day.  When I am behaving, I read before I get out of bed.  But, I've learned that if I don't read it as soon as I get up, I don't read it at all.  But, again, I'm making progress.

One Big Change
When I originally set up this list, I was feeling ambitious.  And 6 months later, I still do.  But, there has always been one entry on this list that has never sat well with me.

#23--Move.


I have lived in the same apartment for almost 7 years.  I signed my lease in April 2005, just before I graduated from college.  And now I sit here, in that same living room, 7 years later and this place feels more like home today than it ever has.  There is nothing outstanding about my apartment.  I has one bedroom.  The rent is cheap and the heat and water are included.  It is 5 minutes from my full-time job and exactly in the middle of my two "paid hobby" jobs.  I cannot paint a single wall but have been able to get pets because I've proven I'm a good tenant.  But when I walk in that door, I can let out a deep breath and know that I am home.

Now, chances are I will not live in this apartment for the rest of my life.  But, I also don't want to move just because I put it on a "to-do" list.

So, I now have a new #23.  And this one I think is even more important to my success in life.



Old #23--Move.

New #23--Embrace my relationship status.

I have a confession to make.  My name is Beth, and I am a struggling single.  If you had asked me when I signed that least 7 years ago if I thought I'd be living in this apartment for long, my answer would have been "no."  I would have told you that I expected to live here for a bit, and then within the next couple of years I would probably be getting married and move into a place with my husband.  Boy, was I wrong.

I have watched quite a few friends go down that path.  Graduate.  Meet someone of the opposite sex.  Flirt and show interest.  Start to date.  Get engaged.  Get married.  Buy a house.  Buy a dog.  Start having cute little babies.

I, however, have done the exact opposite of that.  I graduated.  Met no one of the opposite sex in which to flirt with or show interest.  Have not been on a date since the Fall of 2002 (let me help you with that math--it's 9 1/2 years).  I have not gotten married.  I have not even considered buying a house.  I did not buy a dog. And the only two "cute babies" that I have are my cats (and I constantly fight against Cat Lady status).

This life is nothing that I would have predicted 7 years ago when I graduated college.  But these 7 years have been a huge blessing.

While I am aware of all I've been able to accomplish as a successful single woman, that desire for a husband and a family have never gone away.  I constantly have to remind myself that 28 is not the same as 97 (this sometimes works better than other times).  But I am truly learning about patience.  And I am learning that I can't allow what those around me tell me about my single life to impact how I feel about my life as a single lady.  (For more on this, read this incredible post about what single people wish married people realized on  The Sexy Celibate).  And, if this had all been up to me, I would have rushed into a relationship with the first fella that came my way, no matter how "perfect" or "imperfect" he would have been for me.

So, by the time that I am 30, I pray that I not only accept my relationship status, whatever that may be at the time, but that I embrace it fully.

#16--Confess a Secret

So, my lack of time to post anything on here means that you, my faithful followers (both of you), get a whopper of a post tonight.  Not a craft.  Not a picture of me eating a piece of sushi.  A major post.  I'm about to knock one of the toughies off my list.  I'm going to confess a secret to you.

I am terrified of marriage.

Terrified.

Most people would say, "I've got an easy solution.  Don't get married.  Problem solved."  If only it were that easy.

My fear is two fold:

1.  I'm terrified that I will never have the opportunity.


My whole life, I've never been a big relationships girl.  It wasn't really a conscious choice, it was just how things were.  I had a few boyfriends growing up, nothing serious and haven't dated much since.  And I've always been okay with it.  I grew up with two brothers, however, that basically had a girlfriend waiting list.  As soon as the ladies found out they were back on the market, the phone calls started and the ridiculous flirting began.  There was never a drought of women fawning over them.  While I've never been the most relationship crazy person that I know, I've always had a strong desire to be married and one day have children.

Here's what happens when you are single in a world of people in relationships:
High School:  It's no big deal.  Some people date, other people don't.  It doesn't really matter because all of those people hang out in a big group anyway.  Your family doesn't really notice that you aren't dating anyone and neither do you.
Freshmen & Sophomore Year of College:  Your family still doesn't totally notice the fact that you are becoming an adult because there is still a "1" at the beginning of your age.  They start to notice the day you turn 20.  You, however, are starting to become slightly more aware as your friends start dating, but you're still pretty cool with it.
Junior & Senior Year of College: It's becoming obvious that you are more of an adult and soon, you will be a real adult with a college degree.  The people in your life start to notice that you are single and you are completely aware of it.  More and more people you know are dating, and even better, they are starting to get engaged.  This is where life gets fun.
Post College Up Until 25: Your singleness is a constant source of conversation, especially at events with extended family.  Conversations start like this: "You're dating someone, right?" or "Who's the special fella in your life?".  And, when you set the record straight, their response is usually "Oh."  You start to hang out with more and more couples, usually married or engaged, because so many of your friends are moving into that stage in life.
After 25: You have basically entered Old Maid status as far as others are concerned.  People start to ask less and less because they assume you are not in a relationship.  And you have become one of a few single people hanging out with tons of couples.  It's awesome.

At 28, I'm in this awkward After 25 state in life.  I am totally single and I have my moments, but overall I am okay with it.  But I'll be honest, I mostly feel like at this point it's slim pickings.  All of the good guys seem to be taken and all of the single ones seem very. . . interesting.  I've heard the usual "Why don't you try online dating?" and I've tried it.  It's expensive and doesn't really seem to go very far because there are so many late 20s single women on there and approximately 7 late 20s single men.  I've moved into the point where my friends are all in relationships and now I'm one of the few single people in the group.  The people in my life don't know single people and neither do I.

My singleness has given me wonderful opportunities that I know a relationship would hinder.  I've been able to get involved in so many things that I love.  I have a job that I absolutely love and I get to invest in the lives of so many people.  I am a part of an incredible church and get to participate in so many things to deepen my faith and encourage those around me.  I get to serve on the leadership team for Stop Traffick Fashion and get to raise awareness about a devastating cause.  I get to get paid to workout and more than that, I have fallen in love with the Jazzercise corporation, what it stands for, and the women to take part in it. These are more than simply time fillers.  They are passions of mine.

I am blessed with so many opportunities, and yet I worry that these opportunities have hindered my ability to find someone to share life with.  I wouldn't trade any of the opportunities that I have been given, but I can't help but think that my packed schedule has left little time for love if it was looking for me.  It's hard to think that you are the one sabotaging one of your dreams.  I look on Facebook and constantly see my friends posting about dates, engagements, marriages, babies, buying houses and on and on.  Then I look at my page and see Jazzercise check-ins, posts about work, and things of this nature.  Sometimes I just don't even want to get on because my life feels so out of sync with others in my life, and then I give in to my Facebook cravings and look anyway.

2.  I'm afraid that if I ever do get the chance, I'll screw it up.


I know that 28 isn't that old (especially when college freshmen still confuse you for one of their classmates because of your baby face), but it feels like I've been stuck in this stage of life forever.  I've gone to so many bridal showers, weddings, and then baby showers for those friends who are having babies.  I've waited patiently, trying my hardest not to let my singleness get me down.  And yet I am nowhere closer to finding love.  Heck, I'm nowhere closer to finding a date.

I am just afraid that after waiting this long, if I do find someone, I'm going to mess it up somehow.  I keep hearing about people from my past who get married and seem like such incredible couples.  And then, next thing you know, their relationships are ending.  If these people can't figure it out, how am I supposed to?

Or, what if my schedule is too crazy for that special someone and they decide they don't want to put up with it?

Or what if I put my whole heart into a relationship and the fella decides he's had enough?

Or what if there are things about me that simply are not appealing?

This list could go on and on.  And I feel slightly hilarious for worrying about something I don't have.  It's like you're worried about what people will think of your purchases if you win the $23 million lottery that you haven't even bought a ticket for yet.  Which is ridiculous, I know, but the truth is the truth.

What does this all mean?


It means I'm human.  It means I worry about things that I have no control over.  It means that I need to wake up every morning, hand this issue over to the One who can actually handle it, and live my life in such a way that glorifies Him.  It means that I should keep praying for the man that God might bring into my life one day because if he exists, he deserves those prayers.  And it means that I am totally normal.

So, there you have it.  A confession.  #16 complete.

Craft of the Month

There is a reason why I have been avoiding joining Pintrest.  Because for a crafter like me, it is like quick sand.  You get sucked in and you just can't get out.  Here is a prime example:

My friend, Brittany, wanted to show me Pintrest and how great it is.  While showing me the things that she had pinned, this little beauty came up:

Within 5 minutes, this was happening:

Brittany is new to crafts, so I used this as a teachable moment to get her addicted to this passion of mine.  Within minutes we had this:

The trees were ready for decorating.  We picked out the palette below to add some purple to my office (a major color in my area) as well as a few fun pops of color:

Then we went to town using three different sizes of round foam brushes, adding more and more circles as we went:

Until we got to this point:

Now they are framed (thanks to some super nice frames Mom's old work was going to toss) and ready to be hung in my new office!

Craft of the Month

My 30 Before 30 list item #19 is to post a picture of a new craft each month.  Here is the first!

July has been a crazy month, so I haven't had much spare time to get crafty.  But, a quick craft was in order to welcome Luke Timothy McCoy (born to awesome parents David and Rachel McCoy) into the world.  So this was a speedy craft that I was able to send to them, but who wouldn't want to look at that sweet little face?  Congrats David and Rachel on that precious little bundle of joy!

#9--COMPLETE!!!

9.  Attempt to eat seafood.


So I've been getting a little pressure lately because I haven't been updating my blog often enough (you know, the blog about the things I"m going to do over the next 22 months).  Believe me--making a list of 30 things that I wanted to do was really difficult.  It took a week and a half because I kept debating on whether the items I was listing were tough enough to be on a "30 before 30" list.  Then, once the list was made, I had to post it on a blog.  Me, the perfectionist, had to put this out there for the world to see.  And now, I've got to start actually doing these things.

Just picking the item to start with was tricky.  I wanted to start with something that was going to be a definite stretch for me, but I couldn't knock out too big of an accomplishment right out of the gate.  Where could I start that would satisfy all of my adoring fans (let's be honest--there might be three people other than my Mom reading this blog) and yet still leave me room to keep your attention.

And then today, while at work, it hit me.  #9--Attempt to eat seafood.


For most, this wouldn't be a challenge at all.  Seafood isn't an unusual genre of cuisine.  For me, not quite.  I've never liked seafood.  But, I think that it always looks so good when other people try it.  I figured that since I don't like seafood, or at least I don't think I like it because I never try to eat it, this would be a great one to knock off the list.

So tonight, I found myself here:

Walking in the door was the first step.  Luckily, I took along a sushi expert in Brittany Smalling (she's at least an expert in my book).  I would have been lost looking on the menu without her.

We spent time checking out the menu and, after much debate, felt confident of our order.

I would have had NO IDEA what I was doing if Brittany hadn't been there.  Luckily, she helped me pick out a wide variety of sushi options for my first experience.

After a few minutes, the food arrived.  Like I've always thought: pretty, interesting, terrifying.

Red Double Roll, California Roll, Philly Roll

There was no turning back now.  After a short debate, I decided to go all out and try the Red Double roll first.  Not only is there shrimp inside this roll, it is also wrapped in crab (in case you couldn't keep up, that's double seafood points in one bite).

Here we go!

The verdict:  It wasn't bad!  Was it my favorite food of all time?  I'll be honest--No.  Do I think I'll eat it multiple times a week?  No.  But, did I hate it?  NO!  It was definitely the challenge to start with, giving me confidence to keep tackling these.

Not only did I get to mark the first thing off the list, Brittany and I got the "Clean Plate" award.